I don’t have to tell you that the world we live in today…well, let’s just say that marketing is a major force in our lives (in America and otherwise).  Just about everything that happens around us, whether it be cultural or social norms, what people consider important and valuable, or the ever-increasing competition for people’s time, attention, and money- advertising and promotion are integrally involved.

Yet no amount of camera angles, sleek images, or sexy advertisements will suffice when it comes to an actual relationship- lasting, happy, and successful is the only reality that counts.  And the reality is, relationships are difficult.  A truly thriving, lifelong partnership can be near-impossible to find, and even harder to maintain.

While I’m not thrilled to say it, there’s just not a “secret” to happy and successful relationships.  Yet something very real separates the couples that are somehow able to stay together from those who don’t.  If I had to offer a condensed “catchphrase” for this difference, it would be something like:

You will never be able to “fool” the truth that’s inside your relationship, so you better really like what you got to begin with!

There’s no escaping that if you are dissatisfied with any significant part of the person you’re marrying, there’s little chance that part will go away.  Simply put, on some level, you can either live with it or you can’t!

Next comes the other “half” (so to speak) of this very complex Reality Pie, which is how much time and effort it can often take for couples to continue tolerating (and working with) the less desirable parts of their relationship.  These two themes:

1) The truth of how you feel about the actual characteristics you find (and choose) in a partner will always win out in the long run- good or bad.

2) Your ability to work well together to deal with the crappy parts of your relationship will largely determine the rest (no easy trick).

Hope to see you next Monday!

Returning to last week’s topic, and the first of the five “secrets,” to a happy relationship, which stated simply “Choose the right person.”  The idea that the success of a marriage (or life-long partnership) will depend largely on marrying the right person to begin with is probably one of the more obvious assertions you may have heard!  But…I cannot tell you how many of the problems people encounter in their relationships come from this source.

I know you could say, “Well no shoot!  That’s kind of the whole point, isn’t it?”  Someone once told me their Uncle had a similar suggestion for marital success: “The key to a happy marriage is: marry someone who wants to marry you.”  Again, as much as this seems a given, the facts regarding marriage and long-term relationships clearly prove that it’s not nearly as obvious as it sounds!

For me personally, being extremely clear on the qualities I wanted, and just as importantly, those I didn’t, has proven to be very helpful.  What has worked for you (or not worked)?  Are there certain things you’ve noticed that have worked (or not) for other people?  I’d like to compile a thorough list, if possible, so please do share if you can!

After a week-long vacation, and a bit of a departure from the ongoing story, we return to the Five Secrets to a Happy Relationship:

1) Choose the right person.

2) Be able to discuss (almost) any subject.

3) Let honesty work for you.

4) Know the difference between truth and fiction.

5) Continue to remember (and show) your partner why you chose them.

“Choose the right person”- (as stated in the original post on July 11^th) I know this sounds very obvious, but you would not believe how many people choose a partner for life for the wrong reasons!  Among many culprits for this: being willing to “settle” for someone who isn’t your realistic dream person, and  being unaware of the unconscious, Invisible Connections in the attraction.

So…what do you think?  I’d love to get as many suggestions and opinions as possible here- it is such a tough subject to nail down, so the more solid pieces of pie we have to put together, the clearer the picture can be.  The question is- for all the uncertainty and unknowns involved- How do we know we are marrying the “right person”?

For those who’ve found their true love, or have been married for many years, etc., your view is extremely helpful, as it gives much needed info. about what has actually worked.  For those still looking (or recovering), there are many ways to make choices that may work better in the future.  I want to emphasize, though: it’s a very subjective topic! So, the more people can weigh in on this, the more useful the answer can be.  Hope to see you next Monday.

By the way, for a fuller discussion on this question, see today’s “100 To One” post!