One of life’s constant paradoxes is that many so-called “secrets” of success are actually concrete things, done very well.  These five relationship secrets are perhaps more accurately thought of as greatly misunderstood topics areas.  Each of them has a great deal of depth that could be brought into the discussion if desired, but can be stated simply:

1) Choose the right person- I know this sounds very obvious, but you would not believe how many people choose a partner for life for the wrong reasons!  Among many culprits for this reality: being willing to “settle” for someone who isn’t your realistic dream person, and  being unaware of the unconscious, Invisible Connections in the attraction.

2) Be able to discuss (almost) any subject- I can’t tell you how important this is.  It’s one thing to agree on everything (not gonna happen!), and another to avoid uncomfortable topics (extremely common), but the ability to put any topic on the table and discuss it openly to some form of mutual resolution is a genuine skill.

3) Let honesty work for you- The people who have promoted the idea of gamesmanship and “rules” in dating, and the need to use tricks to successfully get a relationship…well, let’s just say not only have they done a great disservice to society, but they are just plain wrong.  Yes, these tricks can in fact be quite useful or effective in snagging someone in the short run, and there’s truly nothing wrong with that, if that’s what you’re looking for at the time.  However, if what you’re seeking is a lifelong, loving partnership, reality is truly your best friend.

4) Know the difference between truth and fiction- One of the most frequent causes for the arguments couples routinely have is due to people confusing truth from fiction.  Another way to think of this is the ability to separate perception and reality.  People’s feelings or idea of what happened and what actually happened are often very different things!

5) Continue to remember (and show) your partner why you chose them- Again, how obvious this sounds, and yet how easy it is to get caught up in the routine of life and forget this all-important truth.  Divorce and breakups are so often caused not by the inability to get along but instead by what could be called “drift”- forgetting to show your loved one attention and appreciation on a consistent basis.

What do you think??  Any keys to success (or failure) you’ve discovered in your relationships or marriage?  I look forward to hearing your opinions!  Please join me next Monday for more love and relationship stories.